Q: What’s going on? Why are you involved in my correspondence with my personal contact?
A: The other parent has asked us to help them develop a productive co-parenting relationship with you. They have been feeling triggered by some of the messages you send them, and they don’t want to fight anymore. So they’ve hired us to review all your messages and filter out the content that’s triggering. That’s so they can focus on loving and caring for your kids, who won’t be caught in the crossfire anymore.
Q: But we don't have any kids. So this service is not designed for us?
A: Our service is designed to help people who are in a relationship that has broken down, but who still need to communicate with each other. Most of our clients have to communicate with an ex about their kids. But if you and the other party have something else that requires you to be in contact, and communication is painful, we're here for you too. What we say about co-parents applies to anyone who wants to cooperate and stop fighting, in spite of their differences.
Q: How does this work?
A: Our client has blocked you from their phone and social media accounts. But they understand that you need to be able to communicate with them about important information, so they are forwarding your emails to us. We read through them and filter out content that doesn't promote a productive co-parenting relationship. Then we forward the pertinent information to them.
Q: I should have been the one to sign up for this, not my co-parent. They're the one who keeps sending harassing messages to me. Will you do anything about that?
A: You are welcome to sign up for our filtering service as well. Additionally, you and your co-parent have the option to access communication coaching, to help either or both of you to communicate productively. The point here is not to punish or control either one of you. It's to create a safe space and provide you with tools for establishing effective and peaceful communication.
Q: What are your hours? How quickly will you filter and forward my messages?
A: We are open 9–5, M–F and you can expect us to pass a message on by the end of the workday. If the message is urgent, write urgent in the subject line and we will prioritize it.
Q: What if it’s an absolute emergency or a weekend and I can’t afford the time to send a message through you?
A: Our client should have sent you an emergency contact number. That’s who you should call in the event of an emergency.
Q. I try really hard to avoid offending my co-parent. It doesn't work. So if you are filtering out whatever messages they don’t want to hear, can I just let it all spill out? You’ll just pass on the stuff that you think is okay?
A: You can, but you should be aware that even messages we filter are archived and belong to our client. They could be requested by his/her lawyer. Also, threats of violence and other forms of illegal communication will be forwarded directly to police.
Q. Will you send on a filtered version of every message you receive?
A: Not necessarily. We will only send on respectful communication that can help foster productive co-parenting/collaboration. Criticisms, repeated demands for a response and so forth will not be passed on. If you send pertinent information in a way that is insulting, demeaning, etc, we will rephrase and pass on just the information our client needs to know. You can visit this page for details on the kind of communication that will be disallowed and some alternate approaches for dealing with the issue. We also offer a coaching service that can help you express what you need to say in a way that doesn't run afoul of our filter.
Q: But what if my co-parent has real problems that are doing harm to our children. What if they really need somebody to point it out, for the sake of the kids?
A: You may have a legitimate concern. The problem is, your relationship with your co-parent isn't in a place where they can profit from your criticism. Our best advice is to focus your energies on being the best parent you can to your kids and to let go of trying to manage your kid's relationship with their other parent. We know it's hard. We've been there. But when has trying to fix your co-parent or their relationship with the kids ever worked?